Honey, What’s For Dinner?

Speaker Chris Brooks, who lives in Metro Detroit, provides an illustration that goes pretty much like this (if I remember it correctly):

An elderly man was quite concerned about his wife’s failing hearing which he reasoned had been getting worse over the past year or so. He consulted with a hearing specialist to learn what he should do.  He explained to the Doctor that he often asked questions of his wife, and she would not reply – not even seem to hear him. She had not always been this way, he reported, and he was concerned that it might continue to get worse.

The doctor suggested the following protocol to test how serious the situation was:

“Go home and stand about 15 feet away from your wife. Ask a question to see if she can hear you. If she does not respond, move a few feet closer and ask again. Continue this process until she can hear you. Then take note of how far away you are. That way we will be able to get a sense of how serious the situation really is.”

The man went home late that afternoon and found that his wife was in the kitchen, cleaning some vegetables. So he stood in the dining room and asked “Hey honey, what’s for dinner?” He noted the absence of a reply. So he walked to the kitchen doorway and repeated “Hey honey, what’s for dinner?” Again, nothing. She just continued to prepare food.

So he walked half way across the kitchen and asked again “What’s for dinner?” Still nothing. By this time his concern was growing. So he walked up right next to her, and clearly enunciated “What’s for dinner?” She did not turn, or even look up, but she said “For the fourth time, chicken”.

Perhaps, after you laughed, you quickly thought of someone like that.  If I were a gambler, I would bet you were not thinking of yourself.

What do you think was really happening in that story above, despite what that man thought was happening?

Now let me tell you that Mr. Brooks is a radio show host, a Pastor, and a college chaplain. With that background, you might guess what he was talking about, but I’ll tell you straight up.

In the gospel of Matthew (chapter 7), Jesus tells the following parable:

 ¹ “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

³ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴ How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? ⁵ You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

That old man believed that his wife had a problem. Turns out it was his problem. He could not hear her replies until he was up close. One need not be old to have this problem. In fact, similar experiences are common among humankind of all ages.

As much as any of us really hope to help someone, it could be dangerous to help them take a speck out of their eye when you have a plank blocking your view.

In my most personal experience, this is a struggle every day. I read signals wrong. I hear people say things differently than they intended. I try be sensitive to these situations, but I still struggle to get it right. Which convinces me that I need to work on myself, with God’s help, before I launch out to change people around me. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t help them with anything, or teach them what I know, when they are willing. But it does mean that I am cautious about judging the apparent thoughts and actions of others, because the way I judge others, according to Jesus, is how I will be judged. And most likely, that will not be pretty.

If you are game for a challenge, I encourage you to consider listening to your own thoughts when you question the actions of others. Maybe they are as off-the-mark as you think, but maybe not. And even if they are woeful, extending grace to them is probably a level of judgement that you would most desire for yourself.

A footnote: This illustration is not to advise you to put yourself in harm’s way. This blog post is about human mistakes and frailty, not true evil intent. If someone is intentionally trying to harm you, or themselves, physically; or regularly doing so emotionally and/or with their words, please go find some help. Letting an abuser ‘off the hook’ is often called co-dependency. Mental Health America defines codependency as “an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.”