Why do people love, and how are you loved?
The reasons for loving seem to fall into three categories:
“If” love is dependent on performance, appearance, or trait.
Those who think (but might not say) I will love you if (or when):
- you make me feel a certain way
- you treat me like I want to be treated
- you are close to me
- you love me first
- you agree with most of what I think and say
- you get/stay good looking
- you add meaning and value to my life
- you achieve things that are important to me
“Because” love is dependent on relationship, achievement, accomplishment, or resources.
Those who think (but might not say) I love you because you are:
- a blood relation
- part of the same group (tribe)
- rich
- famous
- talented
- beautiful
- smart
- hard working
- obedient
- loving
“In spite of” love accept others as they are:
Those who think (but might not say): I choose to love you no matter:
- what you have done
- what you will do
- what you have to offer
- how you look
- what you think
‘If’ love and ‘Because’ love will almost certainly fail, because things change.
If love may never be achieved, even when one tries to achieve it. Or you may have it and loose it in an instant.
Because love can slip away as conditions change, on either person’s part.
‘In spite of’ love is the only one that lasts. And it is incredibly rare.
Having more than one kind of love is even better, as long as the ‘in spite of’ love is the foundation and ‘because’ love is the ornamentation.
God so loves you that, in Christ, he chose to die to save you, when you had nothing to offer in return, so that you would have the opportunity (for those who are willing) to be transformed through his Holy Spirit, and then experience loving, and being loved, as he does.
‘In spite of’ love does not say, ‘I love you now, and want you to stay the same forever’. That would be a form of ‘because’ love. ‘In spite of’ love says “I am in your corner, and I will stay there, no matter what you decide to do. I hope the best for you, and intend to help you be your best. But if you don’t get there, I am still here for you.”
So which kind of love do you have?
Oh, and when you answered that last question, were you thinking about what kind of love others offer to you, or what kind of love you offer to others? The answer to that question says a lot too.
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That’s the good news. He loves you already; as you are. And he loves you too much to see you keep loosing out as a consequence of your lesser thoughts and behaviors.
So which kind of love would you choose – both to receive and to give?
For stories of people who struggled with this, check out: https://percipientwitnesses.com/witness-list/
Percipient Witnesses 